The Long Game

The story picks up in a place that has become a core memory for everyone who’s read book one: the cottage. It’s summer break and Ilya and Shane fully enjoy their time before the hockey camp they founded kicks off. Quick reminder: the two founded a charity for mental health awareness and to raise money for it, they host a hockey camp each summer.

Book two lets us spend time at the camp, watching Shane and Ilya coach the kids and getting to know the rest of the coaching staff. And I just loved how the coaching staff already had me snickering. I mean, look at that lineup: a coach with anxiety, a female hockey player, a trans player and, of course, our two closeted hockey stars. What a wonderfully chaotic bunch. I was absolutely here for it.

The dynamic was already fantastic. Seeing Ilya get jealous and watching how Yuna interacts with the two of them already warmed my heart. I also immediately liked Ryan (the coach/player with anxiety). He’s also gay and accidentally discovers Shane and Ilya’s relationship after walking in on them kissing. And I just love how this makes his anxiety worse, but he still keeps their secret. What a GOAT.

Ilya, who would prefer that the whole world knows about their relationship, suggests a double date with Ryan and his partner Fabian. And the dynamic is so amazing. I haven’t read Tough Guy (the book about Ryan and Fabian) yet, but I was immediately hooked. They were such a joy together. You could actually feel how much they love each other and how proud Ryan is about Fabian’s success. I really wish they would’ve had more time in the book. Because I also honestly believe that it would have been beneficial to Ilya’s and Shane’s relationship. But alas, Rachel Reid planned to emotionally destroy me with this book…

And it did not take long for the first stab to pierce my heart. Shane and Ilya go to see a performance of Fabian (who is a musician) and this whole chapter was such a heartbreak. To read about how much Ilya wanted to hold Shane close, kiss him and dance with him and how Shane doesn’t even want to stand too close, for fear that someone could discover their secret. Come on Rachel, why hurt me like that? It just made me so sad for them. And it made me hate that fictional world (and honestly, our real one too) for making it so hard for the two of them to simply be together.

But Rachel Reid just knows how to play me. Because after the concert we get some good and well-deserved spice. Oh yeah. I mean, come on, Bookdragons. You couldn’t possibly have thought that after book one this wouldn’t be happening. And obviously the spice did not disappoint. And on top of the great smut, we also got a scene I genuinely loved. Shane – who’s incredibly confident on the ice and always seems to know exactly what he wants – is embarrassed and struggles to ask Ilya for what he wants sexually. And I was so here for that, because with that one simple sentence the characters got even more relatable. And I loved the realism of it all. It reminded us that even if you completely trust your partner, it can still be incredibly difficult to put into words what you really want. And once again, I have to say that Ilya handles the situation so incredibly well. Once again: #TeamHollanov.

Though that scene gave me a brief chance to breathe, the emotional wreckage continued. The hockey season starts again, which means Shane and Ilya can’t see each other as often as they would like to. It also means that the acting has to increase. We also learn that Ilya’s new team (which he transferred to, to be closer to Shane) the Ottawa Centaurs isn’t very good. This actually drags Ilya’s mood down. He’s used to being really good and constantly losing starts to affect his mental state and his passion about the game. As captain of the team he also feels responsible for all the losses.

Reading from Ilya’s POV we quickly discover that his mental state is not looking good. He is hiding it though. Which makes moments, in which he subtly tries to reach out even harder to read. For example: After his team loses again, Ilya is depressed, he also misses Shane a lot, and he just wants to talk to him, get a picture or anything to take his mind off things. So at 1 a.m. he writes to Shane “Are you awake?”  Shane though doesn’t see the message until the next day. And what are his thoughts? He thinks Ilya was horny. Damn it Shane. Your boo is struggling so much, and you don’t see it. I know, this is not fully Shane’s fault, but as a reader, this was heartbreaking.

But our rollercoaster continues. Rachel Reid once again managed to lift my mood by showing us how amazing the relationship between Shane’s parents and Ilya is. They meet on a regular basis and watch Shane’s games. They also play Yahtzee and Yuna always makes sure to have Ilya’s favorite foods. Especially given how terrible Ilya’s relationship with his own family is, this was so fulfilling.

Meanwhile we learn that the friendship between Shane and Rose is still strong. During one of their meetings, she asks Shane how everything is going. And I really loved how she is concerned for them and just wants everything to work out great. But Rose also isn’t delulu and knows that it is very possible that their relationship could be discovered. So she suggests that they come up with a plan B, should things go downhill.

Another thing that I absolutely love about book two was how amazing Ilya is with kids. Some people just have a natural way with them, and he is one of them. I first had that thought during the hockey camp and it was highlighted again, when the two of them went to babysit Hayden’s kids. And this was a chapter that made me tear up. But I will get to that in a moment. Because first I have to criticize Hayden. I know he’s a great friend to Shane and we absolutely love that he doesn’t give a damn that his best buddy is gay. That being said he still has a lot to learn. Because whilst babysitting Hayden’s daughters ask if Shane and Ilya could help them apply nail polish. And when Ilya asks Hayden’s son if he also wants nail polish, and he nods, his sisters are shocked and exclaim that their dad said that it is just for girls. Really, Hayden? I expected better from you. I mean it just goes to show how deep the unconscious bias runs, but I did expect better. There is nothing wrong with a boy (or a man) wearing nail polish! Just get that into your head people. But I’m glad that Ilya and Shane managed to explain that to the girls and in the end, everyone ends up with polished nails.

But now to the part of the chapter that made me cry. For some reason the girls ask Shane and Ilya if they are married. When they tell them that they are not, the kids get it into their heads, that they should get married that day. And thus follows a fake wedding, officiated by the kids. And my heart just couldn’t deal. Just the way that this was written. It was so cute on one hand and on the other so emotional. I mean the two of them literally tear up, when they say yes to each other. How the hell was I supposed to keep it together? That seemed like an impossible task.

When they are back home though things get a little bit more serious. The two of them get into a little debate and Shane starts to notice that something is off about Ilya. And I love how he suggests to him, that maybe a therapy could help him, whilst simultaneously giving him room to decide if he wants to talk about it (which Ilya doesn’t). A first step into the right direction I’d say.

And once again I am a fan of how the book portrays the struggles of mental health. As a person who is also affected by it, I know the struggle Ilya is fighting. Of knowing that things are not right, and deep down being aware that you need help, but struggling to put it into words and ask for it. This was – in my experience – beautifully portrayed. Especially all the ups and (often quiet) downs. And this came to its peak during Ilya’s Halloween party.

Rachel Reid perfectly showed us how you can be surrounded by people and still feel so lonely. And that even short moments of happiness are fleeting. Like, when Shane surprised Ilya by coming by after everyone was gone. Ilya was so happy about that and the two had an amazing evening. But the next morning, when Shane drives back, Ilya breaks down crying. And this also marks the moment in which he decides to seek professional help. Really. This chapter was so well executed. I tip my hat to you, Rachel Reid.

And what can I say? The crying continued. Ilya’s first therapy session just hit home. I’m pretty sure that this is a scene that probably won’t have all of you Bookdragons reaching for the tissues. But as I stated before, as a person who has been in Ilya’s shoes that session just hit right into the feels and was also beautifully written.

And my feelings didn’t get a moment to rest. We directly jumped from sad and touched to very pissed. Because Shane was invited to talk to the NHL’s commissioner: Crowell. And I absolutely hate this man. He makes it very clear to Shane that him (and other players) coming out is a bit of a pain and that he’d prefer no further surprises. Subtly making it very clear that, should Shane break that unofficial rule, there would be consequences. What a fucking asshole. Obviously an old, white man. To no one’s surprise. Really, this chapter had me raging. Because Shane is already scared enough as it is. But surprisingly Crowell’s speech has the opposite effect. Shane is super mad too. He immediately calls Ilya to tell him about it. He’s not sure what to do though, but I was pleasantly surprised that this did not intimidate him.

During the next chapters I just fell more and more in love with Ilya’s therapist. She just did a great job, Bookdragons. She encourages Ilya to come out to one of his teammates. Because so far only people out of Shane’s circle know about them. Which means that Shane has people he can rely on, whilst Ilya really has no one. So, Ilya comes out to the new guy on the team – Troy Barrett – who also admitted to Ilya, that he is gay. I love this for them. Shane at first is not so happy about this (one more person who could spill the tea), but at least he quickly sees reason.

And then comes Christmas. There’s tension in the room from the very beginning of the chapter and things escalate. The two get in a fight when Ilya asks Shane if they would go to a party of one of his teammates. When he refuses (because people could think they are a couple) Ilya finally tells him, that they are not on the same page anymore and that he is sick of having no one to talk to. It quickly gets into a debate how Ilya thinks Shane would choose hockey over him, not making any sacrifices. And when Shane asks Ilya if he would choose him we get the most heartbreaking quote of the book: “Quietly, in a voice that couldn’t disguise his pain, he said, ‘I already chose you, Hollander.’”  Does anyone have a spare heart they could lend me? Because mine just broke.

I wanted to scream at Shane so bad. How could he not see the pain Ilya was in? Or that Ilya has sacrificed everything (including his career) while Shane still got to keep his life exactly as it was. And to then have the audacity to ask Ilya if he would choose them. God damn it Shane, wake up! You clueless, stupid, idiot. Apologize and get your man back.

Luckily my prayers were heard. Because though they stop talking for a while, in the end they get it together and talk it out. Ilya also finally tells Shane that he’s in therapy. They agree that they do need a bit of distance but at least the fight has been resolved.

What follows is another emotional slap in the face. Because Ilya and his team almost die in a plane crash. Come on Rachel, give us a break! Ilya texts Shane an emotional farewell – just in case. Luckily the pilot manages to land the plane. But obviously Shane goes nuts when he hears about it and reads Ilya’s messages. My boos really had to go through a lot in this book.

But rest assured the next crying session wasn’t far off. When Ilya comes back home, he finds Shane’s car already in the driveway and Shane is waiting for him. They kiss and Shane leads him inside.  There, everything is covered in candles. And Bookdragons, what can I say? I immediately started crying. We all knew what was about to happen. And to read that Shane remembered that Ilya once told him, he would propose to him by the dock of the cottage, covered in candles just turned the waterworks on even more. So yes, Shane finally proposes to Ilya and of course he says yes. Really, this chapter left me a crying, but very happy, mess.

Following their engagement Ilya also finally tells Svetlana about Shane and Troy Barrett comes out to the team. The Ottawa Centaurs also start having a run. Ilya gets a dog (Anya) and things finally seem to go well. But then the video happens…

Shane and Ilya visit Hayden. He has started to record video messages for his fans and quickly has to tape another one. While he’s back in the house Ilya and Shane are outside and share a passionate kiss with each other. The next morning though Hayden stands on their doorstep, clearly concerned. Turns out that in his fan video the camera was angled, so that one could look out the window and clearly see Ilya and Shane kissing. The video went viral and now the world knows.

Ilya is surprisingly calm about this. Probably mostly relieved that the hiding is finally over. Even if it wasn’t on their terms. Of course, they are a bit concerned about what the league will do. Especially given the commissioner’s underhanded threats. They contact their agent and she immediately starts going into organization mode.

What I absolutely loved was coach Wiebe (Ilya’s coach). He actually takes his time to drive to Ilya and talk to him. And not in a “What the fuck have you done”-way but in a “I am here to listen and support you”-way. Fantastic. Yet another GOAT. Shane’s coach and team on the other hand. They are assholes. They don’t talk to him and are mad at him. Fuck all of them. Well, except for Hayden.

Ilya and Shane also get benched. Which is something that to this day, I don’t understand. I know that this came from Crowell but I don’t see how this was necessary? How does their personal relationship have anything to do with them as players? They didn’t do anything wrong. Just felt super weird and off to me. But sadly, not surprising.

I do have to give a round of applause to Ilya’s neighbors though. He drives by their house when he goes to training. And they’ve hung a gigantic sign at the end of their driveway that says, “We love you, Ilya!”. God, I wanna hug these people. This is the support we need in this world! Brilliant. What fantastic people.

And then finally, Scott Hunter shows up. About time, if you ask me. He drives to their house and talks to them about how everything is going and most importantly about the reaction of the league. He also invites them to join an organization he starts which will fight for change in the league and the rights of all players, no matter their sexual orientation, sex or skin color. Love that. The league definitely needs an update, and I love that Scott Hunter takes the responsibility and starts leading. I’m really curious as to how this might play out in book three.

Anyways. By the end of the season Shane leaves his team and officially transfers to the Ottawa Centaurs. Which means our boos will be on the same team, with the same support, in book three. I can’t wait to see how this will play out.

And of course the book ends with the main event: their wedding. And yes, it left me in tears. Especially Shane’s dad, when he helps Ilya get ready and casually drops the following bomb: “What I‘m trying to say, and Yuna has always been the better speaker, is I’ve always felt so lucky to have a son as wonderful as Shane, that I never expected to be blessed with a second one.” Okay, I’m tearing up again. This moment meant so much, especially coming from Shane’s dad and not his mom. What an amazing family!

So yeah, they get married. The kids still think that the wedding at their house was the official one, which is super cute, and Shane and Ilya are just happy. And this is exactly what I wanted for them.

And this is our book, my fellow Bookdragons. And what can I say? I’m still #TeamHollanov. It’s been an emotional ride, but so rewarding. I just love how this book wasn’t just spice but it really tackled some heavy and complicated themes, but executed them so beautifully. Needless to say that to me this is a clear five star read. And I can’t wait to see what book three will hold in store.

But what about you? Are you #TeamHollanov, like me? What do you think will happen in book three, or what do you hope will happen? As always, let me know in the comments.